Six Steps To Stop Self-Sabotage Now
Copyright © 2005 Eve Delunas, Ph.D.
Inner Vision Resources
http://www.innervisionresources.com/
Are you a captive of your past? Or have you released the past
and liberated yourself from its hold on you? When you refuse
to allow your history to imprison you, you choose a path of
self-determination. Letting go of the past is your personal
"declaration of independence" from anything in your earlier
years that could limit your creative potential or prevent you
from living your best life.
How can you tell if past events are still having a negative
effect on you today? Here are three signs to look for:
1. Certain situations trigger extreme, out-of-control emotional
reactions. It feels as if you go on "auto-pilot" and have
little or no control over the way you feel or behave once
certain internal buttons have been pushed. For example, Marta
trembles with fear at the thought of asserting herself with
her boss, who overburdens Marta with an excessive workload.
Joe goes into a rage when he believes he is being accused of
making an error, however insignificant. Ben is consumed with
jealousy when he catches his girlfriend smiling at a stranger.
2. All of the logical solutions and practical approaches to
changing your out-of-control reactions have failed. Your head
may say "this is ridiculous" but you can't stop yourself from
over-reacting with anger, sadness, fear, shame, guilt, or
jealousy to a situation that just doesn't merit that kind of
emotional energy.
3. You keep making the same unhealthy choices over and over
again. Although you may vow that you are going to set a new
course, your default mode is set on self-destruct. You can't
seem to keep yourself from repeating the same mistakes-even
though you know better. Elizabeth continues to have
relationships with married men, despite of years of heartache
from other married lovers. Mark lies to his manager and
coworkers, although that behavior led to Mark's dismissal
from his last two jobs.
What can you do if you are under the negative spell of your past?
Here are some steps you can take which will neutralize the effect
that the past has on you:
1. Reclaim your power by refusing to think of yourself as a
victim. This does not mean you deny the bad things that have
happened to you. Rather, it means you embrace your wholeness
rather than your brokenness. Everything you have lived has
strengthened your psychological immune system. Recognize your
capacity to thrive in spite of the hardships that have come
your way, and watch your life begin to mirror your more
empowered sense of Self.
2. Retire your need to blame anyone-including your self-for
your present unhappiness. Blame only weighs you down with
unnecessary baggage that inhibits you from moving forward.
Release blame and feel yourself lighten up.
3. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Everybody makes
them-that's how we learn. Stop berating yourself with your
so-called failures, and use that extra energy to create the
life you desire today.
4. Make peace with your past. If certain unpleasant memories
still hold a high degree of emotional charge, let a qualified
therapist assist you in healing those wounds to loosen the
psychological hold those traumatic episodes have on you.
5. Change the thoughts you entertain about yourself. Monitor
your mental landscape to avoid habitual, self-limiting ways
of thinking. When you catch yourself engaging in old thought
patterns like, "I don't deserve to be happy" or "I'm not good
enough," deliberately choose new thoughts that feel better to
you.
6. Stop using your past as a point of comparison to your present
and future. No matter what you have lived before, today can
be different. Instead of focusing on how your life has been,
place your attention on how you want your life to be. Keep
your eye on the road ahead rather than the one behind you,
and watch your life take you to the places you have dreamed
of going!
As you let go of your past, you free yourself to live the life
you truly desire. Step into the Now, and discover the unlimited
potential for joy that awaits you there.
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Eve Delunas, Ph.D., psychotherapist, author, speaker, trainer
Offers proven strategies to help you rise above your limitations
and soar. Breaking the Spell of the Past--Book and Guided
Visualization CD set. Take a FREE QUIZ to find out if you are
SPELLBOUND by your past. Download a FREE guided meditation to
relieve stress and feel more peaceful. Sign up for a FREE monthly
ezine called AWAKENING INNER VISION: RESOURCES FOR ENLIGHTENMENT.
Go to: http://www.innervisionresources.com
Write to: mailto:eve@innervisionresources.com
