"Is it an Emotion or a Feeling?"
by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
Let's say you're sad. How do you know whether it's a
"feeling" or an "emotion?"
I got interested, so I went and checked out what the words originally meant and where they came from. Here's what I found out.
1. They're synonyms, only one is more high falutin' than the other. High falutin' means it came into our language later. Huh? Read on.
2. Which one is more basic? We say we feel sad, or we feel angry, but we HAVE emotions. This suggests to me feelings … as e.e. cummings said, "come first." (His poem (http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/eecummings/333 ) is apropos, as we are now paying attention to the syntax of things. When we want to know how someone's doing, we ask, "How are you feeling?" or "How do you feel about that?"
3. Some think "emotion" applies more to thought-based reactions. Maybe that's because it's the more high falutin' word! We know our feelings by their physiological manifestations. Say you're walking in a dark parking garage at night and you hear footsteps approaching. You think, "I could get mugged," you feel afraid, and your heart starts to pound. Then you turn and recognize the security guard. Then you THINK, "I'm safe," and you calm down. Same thing going on, different thoughts.
Of course babies experience fear. Can they "think"? We'd
We'd almost call an infant's fear, instinct; pure reptilian brain reactions, like the startle response. When you lay a normal newborn infant on hard, flat surface, he flails out with his arms and legs, and screams, because in the collective unconscious, he 'thinks' he lives in trees and falling out of a tree is dangerous! (Some adults dream this same sensation.) How many of your fears are based on ancient thoughts that no longer apply?
Our language is peppered with couplets like this. Judge
Mark P. Painter, Ohio Court of Appeals, had something instructive for the lawyers about this when dealing with a real-estate dispute involving the phrase "free and clear title."
Wrote the Judge: "Free and clear mean the same thing…Free
is English; clear is from the French clere. After the
Norman Conquest, English courts were held in French. The Normans were originally Vikings, but after they conquered the region of Normandy, they became French; then they took over England. But most people in England, surprisingly enough, still spoke English. So lawyers started using two words for one and forgot to stop for the last nine hundred years. So "free and clear" do not mean separate things; they mean, and were always meant to mean, exactly the same thing. Just as "null and void" and "due and payable" mean the same thing. All of these couplets are redundant. The Norman Conquest was in 1066. We can safely eliminate the couplets now. [Kohlbrand v. Ranieri, 823 N.W.3d 76 (Ohio Ct. App. 2005)]
Could it be that "emotion" and "feeling" mean, and were
always meant to mean, exactly the same thing?
Take a look at these examples, and you'll begin to get a
feel for the difference. You'll see that if you want to
appear "erudite and learned," you'll choose the word that joined our language later and came through the French or Latin. For writing that's simple and clear, you'll choose the Old German derivative.
Consider, for instance, 3 people in the room, and one of
them says "I'm sick," and the other says "I'm ill," and the third one says "I'm suffering malaise." Who's older, who's better educated, who's smarter, who's more sophisticated? We make all kinds of assumptions about people by their language.
Here are some more pairs: good-hearted (Old English) and magnanimous (Latin); sad (old High German) and melancholy (via French, Latin and Greek); food (German) and cuisine (French); to lie (Old English) and to be mendacious (Latin); add (English) and augment (French, Latin); dwelling, abode, house (Old English) and domicile (French); happy (Old
English) and pleased or joyous (French); feeling (high
German) and emotion (French) (Hah! I snuck one in on you!); instinct (English) and intuition (Latin); think (Old High
German) and ponder (French); courage (middle English) and
brave (French); thankful (German) and grateful (Latin);
angst (German) and anxiety (Latin); sorrow, sad (Old High
German) and grief (French, Latin); sorry (middle English)
and regret (French); crazy (Old English) and insane (Latin); weary, tired (Old English) and fatigue (French).
Looking up a word in the dictionary will often give you its etymology - www.m-w.com, but here's a site that's dedicated to same: http://www.etymonline.com .
Here's what they say about "feelings" and "emotion":
FEELING: The sense in O.E. [Old English] was "to
perceive through senses which are not referred to any
special organ." Sense of "be conscious of a sensation
or emotion" developed by c.1290; that of "to have
sympathy or compassion" is from 1605; feeling (n.)
"emotion" is first recorded 1369; feelings "tender
or sensitive side of one's nature" is 1771.
EMOTION: "stir up," from L. [Latin] emovere "move
out, remove, agitate," from ex- "out" + movere "to
move". Sense of "strong feeling" is first recorded
1660; extended to "any feeling" 1808.
"Emotion" is the later word. The original meaning of
feeling is excellent for our purposes – to perceive through
the senses." An emotion does seem stronger, and does seem
to have more of the cognitive component, like involving the head, or brain. A feeling could be a twinge in the gut, Ah hah! Is that 3 day-old infant smiling, or is she just having gas pains, her first "gut reaction"?
What's interesting is that embrionically, our gut and our
brain started out from the same mass, then separated, and become joined by the long vagus nerve, which reaches from our brain to our gut. So we do feel things in our guts. We don't say we have an emotion in our stomach, we say "I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach." The feelings we get in our "gut" may be truer, because they are less perverted by thought.
How does this work?
How many times have you said to yourself afterwards, "I KNEW that wasn't going to work?" What you did is "know" it was a bad deal, and then let your thoughts over-ride your initial reaction.
If you had a certain kind of parent, you may do this habitually, and may have done it so long you aren't in touch with your feelings. If your mother said to you, "No, you're not sad, you're happy," or, while she was crying, "There's nothing wrong, can't you see?" you may automatically apply thoughts to feelings, basically ignoring their messages, or doing the opposite of what you should. If you keep falling in love with the wrong kind of person, this may be what's going on. Somewhere in there, there's a reaction telling you "this is bad news," which you over-ride. This is one way we get stuck. If the emotions were heeded, you'd know it was going to be bad again, and you'd stop immediately. Instead, you tell yourself (thoughts) this time you'll get it right.
Your mind is made up and you ignore evidence – strong
evidence from the senses, your gut, your intuition, and
your emotions – that tell you otherwise.
Whether you call them "feelings" or "emotions," it pays to learn all you can about them, and also to learn a little from the good judge. Emotional expression (vocabulary) is part of emotional intelligence – you gotta name it in order to claim it, aim it, and tame it – so develop your feelings vocabulary. Practice labeling the feeling or emotion, and keep your dictionary on-hand as you refine your perception and your ability to communicate. This will increase your self-awareness, which is where emotional intelligence starts.
©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, business programs, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success. Susan is the creator of The EQ Foundation Course© and trains and certifies EQ coaches internationally through the EQ Alive! program. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information, or for free ezine.
